mood: ecstatic
music: You Found Me – The Fray

When Mark broke up with me, my writing and webdesigning both took a toll. I didn’t really have the energy for it, not to mention the heart. It wouldn’t be accurate to say something tacky like that he’d been my inspiration or anything (because I don’t need to rely on people IRL for inspiration when the Internet is filled with such amazing, talented writers and artists), but that major event shook up my world to the point that I couldn’t really function as the Elaine I was anymore. And I’ve mentioned repeatedly on here that writing and designing are at the core of who I am.

I tried doing NaNoWriMo this past November, but I just couldn’t handle it. Too much drama was going on in my life, and I was emotionally exhausted from everything as it was. I was in the middle of Live, Love, Dream, but the topic became too difficult to deal with. My only activity in writing pretty much consisted of long journal entries and posting chapters of Duelist’s Point on FF.net. Then, I started working on the superhero story that I’d conceived a couple of years ago in Vegas. And hot damn, this stuff started flowing out of my fingertips like magic! To this day, I’ve written over 25k words for it, which is the most I’ve ever done for any original story. I’m very, very proud of what I’ve come up with.

But fanfiction still wasn’t really striking the right chord with me. Blame it on the emotional scarring, blame it on how I’d become a big fat cynic about romance again, blame it on the lack of a fandom, anything. It just wasn’t working for me.

But then I started diving into the DC Comics fandom, and reading Superman/Batman stuff, and I remembered what I’d loved so much about fanfiction.

It gave me an escape — and something to believe in.

And so I finished City Love. I finished Live, Love, Dream. I began really thinking about what all those review/favorite/alert notifications I received weekly from my FF.net stories. And about two weeks ago, I started writing my first DC Comics fic. Finished it the day before yesterday. Posted it on worlds_finest last night, nervous as all hell about the fact that the people who were going to read it weren’t stragglers from a dead fandom or an old pairing — they were people whose stories I had been following for the past few months, people who floored me with their writing, people who were legitimate fans, legitimate readers, and legitimate writers.

I know it’s crass to say that a lot of the reviews I receive on FF.net are from quite a different crowd, but it’s the truth. Anyone who writes fanfiction knows the rep that FF.net users have. LJ writers are of a different caliber completely. And gosh, was I nervous to get back into the game!

But they loved it. It’s only been twenty-four hours, but I’ve already received twelve reviews, all of which sing high praises for the story, which isn’t even 2000 words long.

I couldn’t stop grinning like a loon all day.

I’ve still got it. In fact, I’ve got it much more than I ever had it before, seeing as the last time I was writing with the big guys was when I was a notable Darkshipping author at age twelve! I mean, I had my stint in Cars, and The Magic of Mistletoe has a whopping 91 reviews, but still. It’s been a while.

And DAMN, does it feel good!

And I think I’ve forgotten how big of a difference I can make in people’s lives with these stories — I mean, just look at what they did for me! Fanfiction pretty much got me over Mark and how bitchy and hurtful my friends were being earlier this year. A lot of my reviews mentioned that my story had brightened the reveiwers’ day. And let’s face it — nobody really needs to say that. A good story doesn’t have to actually affect your daily life.

But anyone who’s a real reader knows that it does. It really does!

So I’m going to really put my heart into this this summer. I’m going to try to churn out as many stories, continuations, drabbles, anything, as I can.

Because I love writing.

I love reading.

And I definitely, definitely love sharing with people who feel the same way.

mood: pleased
music: Hello Seattle (Remix) – Owl City

Clark pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words. It’s always much easier when he’s writing.
- “And So We Meet And There Are Sparks”, by untitledno8

Today, I finished my latest notebook. I can’t tell you what feels better, the triumph of filling up a notebook or the excitement of starting a new one.

I love being a writer. I love it. Sometimes, it’s awkward because I don’t want to be that kid who thinks she’s the shit just because she writes in her free time. I never profess to be working on novels, because I don’t want people to think I’m this fantastic prolific writer. But people assume anyway, and then I feel like a poser. But then when I really think about it, it’s like, who cares? If they think I’m just trying to be cool, fine. If they think I’m going to be some bestselling author, fine. Neither of them are true, but what does it matter when I have a pen in my hand, blank pages to fill, and gigs to fill on my laptop?

I don’t care what people think of it, because how can I deny something that is so at the core of my soul? Ugh, that sounds so corny, but seriously? Writing is me. I might even venture to say that I’m the most me when I’m writing, if that makes sense.

I posted Live, Love, Dream a week or so ago. It’s the Heartshipping future fic that I started last summer, before the breakup. The official summary is “After a harsh separation from his wife Anzu, Yuugi learns how to survive a breakup, hold onto his dreams, and fall in love with a long lost friend.” The story details how and why Anzu and Yuugi’s marriage fails, along with how and why Yuugi and Ryou fall in love. It’s 14k words, probably the longest one-shot I’ve ever written, but I liked it as one unit better than split into multiple chapters. Gosh, I’m so proud of it. I think it’s all very realistic, and I can say that with confidence after experiencing everything that I’ve experienced in the past year. I also really like the story and the emotions involved in the story a lot, because it addresses my cynicism about marriages and people who just don’t work with each other no matter how in love they are, but it also shows the possibility of finding someone who gives you what you could never find in anyone else. It’s sobering yet hopeful, ya know? I dunno. I thought it was cool because I wrote over half of it before the breakup, and then when I read it right after the breakup, I couldn’t really…handle it. The emotions in the story just resonated with me too much, and I later realized that that’s a great sign. I dunno. I think it’s my favorite work of mine now.

I’ve also been working on my superhero story (I can’t figure out a suitable title!) continuously, which has been such a joy to write. I don’t even know how it’s all coming out so easily. I’ve never written so much material for an original story before. It feels so damn good. I’m working really hard on characterization, because I think that’s one of the most difficult things to get a really good grip on. With fanfiction, you have to make sure you don’t write your characters out of character, otherwise your stories will be unrecognizable as part of the fandom. With original fiction, you have to make sure your characters make sense and are likeable and relatable without being obnoxiously Mary-Sue-like. Also, the lines between cliched characterizations, interesting interpretations of archetypes, and characters that are just too random and original to make sense are really thin. So I’ve really enjoyed figuring that stuff out. Designing characters always been one of my favorite parts of writing, anyway. Since I was little, I loved creating characters. Half of my writing notebooks from when I was little are filled with scribblings about characters that I created and then never really used for anything, haha. I’m also getting a lot of practice in writing from different points of view. Right now, I’m practicing writing the story in the protagonist’s (1st person) point of view, which I never do, especially not in past tense. It’s been interesting. It’s so much harder to describe stuff from that limited of a perspective, but it’s also way easier to grasp the character’s voice and motivations that way. I dunno, it’s been neat! But I think that when I finish, I might go back and rewrite the whole thing in 3rd (maybe 3rd limited?) person, since I think that shows off my writing skills a little better.

Anyway, yeah! I just started a Clark/Bruce fic (from Alfred’s perspective, for practice on telling a story through the eyes of someone not really involved), and I want to finish my Charlie/Mike masterpiece, “Broken Glass,” this summer, along with my long-lost Darkshipping chapter story, “Fly with Me.” In fact, I’m going to check out FWM and post another chapter of “Duelist’s Point” right now! Woo!

This is my “cool bits,” things that I love to see in stories. (Meme by rachelmanija over at LJ.) When I started this list, I thought it would be interesting to organize what gets me excited when I read stuff. When I finished (if it’s even possible to finish something like this), I realized that it actually also tells a lot about what I’m like as a writer. Kinda awesome. Here we go!

Happy (but plausible) endings. Heroism. End-of-the-world and the-world-is-at-stake plots. Debates about free will versus fate. Time traveling. Alternate realities. Bittersweet themes. Teamwork. Dying for the people you love. Moral ambiguity. Friendship. Surprise twists. Growing/learning from the past. Second chances. Hope. Tomorrow.

Non-discriminatory love that transcends time, space, physics, and death. Never loving anyone else. Waiting for your loved one no matter what. The One. Friendships with lots of unresolved sexual tension. Stoic characters falling in love. Love/hate relationships resulting in love. Magical soul bonding. Interspecies love. Characters going crazy after someone they love dies. Being pushed to your limits due to love. Relationships that seem totally improbable but really work. Long-term relationships being possible. “You’re beautiful.” Love making a character do things that seem almost out-of-character. Deathbed love confessions. Sickbed love confessions. Playful flirting. Hugs. The tragic love between two people with unequal lifespans. First kisses. First times. Characters thinking that their attraction/love is unrequited being proven wrong. Love that characters try to deny but ultimately fail to push away. Love blooming because nobody else can understand them. Soulmates.

Superpowers. Magic. Action. Detective work. Details sprinkled throughout a story that all come together slowly. Clues that pop out upon rereads. A character caring for another character who is hurt. Journeys. Quests. Magical items. Really cool weapons. Going down fighting. Final battles. Portals. Swordfights. Alien technology.

Characters struggling to just be normal and accepted. Protagonists insecure about not fitting in. Finding a place and purpose in the world. Secret identities. Characters taking on huge responsibilities. Warriors with big hearts. Characters that kick-ass but have depth. Super-intelligent characters. Unlikely heroes. The underdog kicking butt. Self-sacrificing characters. Wise-cracking characters. Snarky, mean characters. Silly bimbo characters. Groups of people from different backgrounds working together. Tragic character backgrounds. Characters in denial of their true feelings. Having faith in your friends and comrades. Characters who understand each other without words. Cold female characters. Clueless male characters. Unlikely leaders.

Convincing antagonists. Misunderstood villains. Super-intelligent villains. Villains with Really Good Intentions. Villains who think the human race sucks. Sexy villains. Traitors. Double-crossing. Spies. Reformed villains. Anti-heroes.

Uniforms. Capes. Formal clothes. Gloves. Boots. Things being hidden in boots. Masks. Belts. Gadgets. Lockpicks. Damaged clothes. Stripping. Descriptions of smiles. Descriptions of eyes. Characters wearing something that has personal significance to them. Precious belongings. Wedding rings. Character possessing the last thing that belongs to someone dead. Permanent injuries that make sense.

Cities. The future. Dystopias. Worlds that aren’t our own. Sunset. Dawn.

Unreliable narrators. Third-person limited point of view. Strong dialogue. Vivid but concise descriptions. Little details that contribute to the big picture. Images and scenes that stick with you. Foils. Randomly deep character insight. Creative formats. Nonstandard styles of narration.

What I also didn’t count on is how much this actually tells about myself. That “love transcending all” theme? I love that idea. I love the idea that despite all obstacles, two people can find each other and complete each other. It’s not realistic. I know that. It’s like…the total opposite of what I actually believe to be possible in my life. (I believed it for two months, but that’s besides the point.) But I think that’s why I like reading about it so much. Because I don’t think it’s possible in the real world. Weirdly enough, this also shows that, somewhere deep beneath all the cynicism and disillusion, that’s what I want.

And that’s…a difficult pill to swallow.

The “tomorrow” stuff, though? “Second chances?” Totally me, without doubt.

mood: excited and pleased
music: We Don’t Care – Akon

she said she wants to bring me to bring me to her world
she whispered some words
that damn near made my toes curl
she said she’s got that
that i have never seen before
and if i get the taste
i’ll be coming right back for more

To loosen up the atmosphere around here, yes?

1. I have a secret thing for Joel Stein, the LA Times/Time Magazine columnist. I was secretly excited to read his Facebook article and learn random facts about him.

2. I apparently really like funny writers. Well, I guess I’ve always adored funny people, and I do love reading, so combining the two is positively wonderful. I have a not-so-secret thing for Chris Baty, the man in charge of NaNoWriMo. But I do secretly miss his pep talks. I’m glad that I bought his book, No Plot? No Problem!

3. Speaking of NaNoWriMo, I’m a couple thousand words from the end of my novel and I am super excited to print my first draft. For only $5, we get to print 250 pages at the computer center here, and we even get free binding! Aah, I can’t wait to read the whole thing, however shitty it may end up. I hope that I finish soon.

4. I’ve been reading Frances Potter’s fics in the past few days, and man, have I forgotten how exquisitely talented the classic Harry Potter fanfiction writers are. Her language is absolutely beautiful. This, my friends, is why I always say that fanfiction has spoiled Harry Potter for me — fanfiction authors write better about the world that JK Rowling so ingeniously created than JK Rowling writes about it herself.

Harry Potter flopped onto the sofa and let out a long sigh of contented satisfaction. Allowing his body to mould into the soft cushions he sprawled spread-eagled, legs stretched out before him, arms almost at right angles to his body, palms facing upwards.

He felt as if he had crawled inside Harry, inside his skin and bones, within those thoughts and memories. Held softly and safely within those arms and soul. . . .

Occasionally the softness of a kiss would be reinforced by a swift nip of teeth or the scrape of a nail. Sometimes he would feel the fleeting touch of Harry’s hair brush against him and he decided that if he were to die today, he would, at least, have this memory to take with him.

What I look for in a work of fiction is beautiful, exquisite diction. Writers like Frances Potter, Aja, Maya, Furiosity, Cinnamon, Rhysenn, McKay, Arionrhod… (Oh gosh, I can’t even begin to name all of the big authors in the Harry Potter fandom.) They know how to manipulate language, how to give depth to every character, how to make someone weep. I commend Rowling for the fabulous world she created, but the fact remains that she was writing children’s fiction, and her writing reflects that. Rowling’s writing? It doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty that is good Harry Potter fanfiction.

5. The weekend is here… You know what that means? It means that it’s time to watch X-Men: Evolution with Mark and play WoW! And even better — it’s a THREE day weekend! Woohoo! I’m going to frickin’ ding 73 on WoW by Monday night for sure. Super excited.

6. YGO! Series 0 Observation: LOL @ RANDOM YUUGI DAYDREAM FACE WHEN RYOU IS INTRODUCED AS NEW EXCHANGE STUDENT (Heartshipping, FTW!)

7. This isn’t so nerdy, but… I can’t wait to spend tomorrow with Mark!

Geez, it’s like fanfictional suicide trying to read Isis-Malik siblingfluff and then attempt to write in-character Bronzeshipping (Yami no Malik x Malik) into my novella…

-_-