Where are you, Elaine-doppelganger?! I yearn for you everyday, to the point where I’m a little creeped out by myself. I keep trying to fit people in the box, and I absolutely adore all of them, but nobody else feels exactly right. Mark is no doubt my perfect complement, but I feel like I keep searching for somebody who’s exactly like me.

Is this the ultimate form of narcissism?!

Is this normal?!

Well, there goes all the hope that I worked so hard to gather.

FUCK MY LIFE.

FUCK IT

I WANT TO DIE

AND I’M LOSING

I’M MOTHERFUCKING LOSING THIS MOTHERFUCKING GAME SO MOTHERFUCKING BADLY IT BRINGS ME TO TEARS

You’re always the one being left behind, Elaine. Why don’t you just realize that and FUCKING STOP PUTTING YOUR FAITH IN THINGS THAT AREN’T GOING TO GIVE BACK

I WAS DOING SO FUCKING WELL TOO

I HAD PLANS, I HAD HOPE

I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF

I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

But everyone’s tired of hearing that already.

I dislike being female.

I dislike being a student.

I dislike living here.

I dislike writing college papers.

I really dislike my life right now.

mood: pissed off and terrified as all hell
music: Sweetest Goodbye – Maroon 5

Then again, this weekend is making me want to rethink the whole being-in-school-until-I’m-30 plan.

Well, fuck me up the butt. I’m going through what every college kid EVERYWHERE goes through (boo hoo, a midterms and a two papers this next week, and three midterms and a presentation in the three weeks after that, QQ moar nub) and I’m finding myself in tears just trying to write a damn 5-6 page paper.

I do this for EVERYTHING. Freshman year, sophomore year, junior year, senior year, and now fucking COLLEGE. GOD FUCKING DAMN, WHY CAN’T I JUST GROW THE FUCK UP?!!??!

I really hate myself sometimes.