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Broken
Glass By: Amphitrite (papervanity@gmail.com) Rated: PG Pairing: Anzu/Mai Song: Here
With Me by Michelle Branch. Summary: Kujaku
Mai was killed during an airplane crash while she was traveling to
Dearest Mai, I can’t believe it. You’re really gone.
Mai… I’ve lost you. You’re gone. What will I do
without you? How will I live? My entire existence depends on you. You, my
beautiful princess. You… Kujaku Mai. Why did you have to go? Why? It's been a long, long time since I looked into
the mirror I guess that I was blind
I can’t live
without you. Where are you now? I can’t see you…I can’t feel you…I feel lost
without you. Now my reflection's getting clearer Now that you're gone things will
never be the same again
You know what I
feel like? I feel like nothing. Just this big blob of nothing. Sitting here.
That’s what I am. Without you, I’m equivalent to, well, nothing. Do you know why I’m feeling this way?
There’s only one answer. You’re a part of me, Mai. You’re my
happiness, my perkiness, my energy. My everything.
You were what made me. If it weren’t for you, I would still be probably
ranting on and on about friendship. But you taught me things, Mai. And you
helped me learn from my mistakes. There's not a minute that goes by every hour of
every day You're such a part of me
But I made a huge mistake. One that
might’ve changed everything. I never told you how I felt. I’m not just a girl, Mai. I’m not some
annoying cheerleader that’s always pushed to the side or ignored. Or maybe I
am. But that doesn’t matter. Because I’m not who you thought I was. But I just pulled away Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know Do you know what
I mean? I…I love you, Mai. I do and always will. Now why couldn’t I have said that sooner?
I don’t know. Fear, I guess. I was afraid. I was afraid that you would scoff
and reject me. Yeah, that’s it. I was a coward. I feared
rejection. Well, not anymore. But rejection doesn’t matter anymore. If the
only one in the world that you love is gone, who cares about rejection? A corpse can’t reject you. But if only I had told you my feelings…you
would’ve still gone to Because you might have said you love me
too...I will never forgive myself for not confessing. I wish I said the words I never showed I still remember the moment it happened,
like it was yesterday. But it’s been over a month now… Honda had just picked me up from ballet
lessons and he was driving me home when suddenly, his cell phone began to
ring. He tossed it to me and I answered. “Konnichiwa, you’ve reached Honda’s
number. This is Anzu speaking.” Jounouchi’s voice was panicked and rushed. “Anzu! Get to Yuugi’s house right now! There’s something important Yuugi and I have to tell you…” And I thought it was my
imagination when he began to sob and that’s when he hung up. I glanced at the
phone in confusion before snapping back to reality. “Honda! Jounouchi
says to go to Yuugi’s house! They have to tell us
something. I don’t know what, though.” “If you say so, Anzu…”
Honda replied and turned his car around, speeding to the Kame
Game Corner. We rushed into the Game Corner, not registering
that the sign said closed. We ran to the living room, where Yuugi, Jounouchi, Ryou, and Sugoroku-san were
waiting. “What happened?” Honda asked immediately.
The four glanced at each other. Sugoroku looked
away and Ryou looked down at his feet. Jounouchi started to sniffle and tried to cover it up. Yuugi looked directly at us. “There was a plane crash in Honda’s jaw dropped and he began asking what
happened. Ryou wouldn’t speak a word and Jounouchi started to sob loudly. Honda looked deathly
pale and nervous. Sugoroku wouldn’t look at us at
all. Yuugi’s cheeks were stained with tears and
they kept flowing. But all their pain added together was nothing
compared to what I was going through. I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I
feel it now
It felt like someone had taken a butcher
knife and just stabbed my heart. It felt exactly like that. I couldn’t do
anything. I just froze there. Standing up, blue eyes glazed over, not moving
an inch. You're the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now Here with me Here with me But I wouldn’t
cry. I know you wouldn’t want me to. You would want me to be brave and face
my fears. And right that second, I think you would’ve been damn proud of me.
Would’ve. My entire heart
shattered the moment Yuugi finished speaking. His
words echoed in my mind. The gears in my brain spun round and round. Broken glass. Yes. That’s what my heart felt like. I lost everything that moment. Nothing
mattered anymore. All because of my foolishness. I could’ve
told you how I felt. Maybe it would’ve prevented you from going to You know that silence is loud when all you hear is
your heart And I wanted so badly just to be a part of
something strong and true But I was scared and left it all behind And I still don’t
understand. Why did you have to die now? Why not a year from now? Why not
after I confessed to you? I don’t understand… I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now You're the one I need And I still won’t
cry. I refuse to. Inside, I’m breaking down, but ever since that hated day, I
put up a mental shield. I pretend to be mourning for you, to be sad, like all
the others. I don’t feel sad. I feel horrible. Guilty. Foolish. Like
scum. I don’t want to mourn for you, Mai. I
don’t want to cry for you. I want you to be proud of me being brave and not
breaking down like I would’ve half a year ago. But if I had to cry and if it would make
you come back, I would. Hell, I’d do anything to get you back. But it’s not
going to happen, is it? I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now
Is it? Why don’t you answer me? Oh…I only wish you were here with me. Here with me Here with me I would do anything to get you back. Will
you try to come back to me? I love you. I truly do. I can’t survive without
you, and I’m asking you to come back to me and love me. Even if I know it
won’t happen… It’s wistful thinking, all of this. And I'm asking And I'm wanting you to come back to me Please? Of course, I went to your funeral. It was
horrible. It was held in a temple, but it was, of course, not as beautiful as
you. They had your favorite flowers hung everywhere and the seats had purple
lining and everything. It was basically perfect. Everyone was there. Even the Kaiba brothers and the Ishtar
siblings came. Dinosaur Ryusaki came too, but the
guards kicked him out. He placed a nice purple flower on top of your coffin.
I could tell that he was really broken by your death as well. Jounouchi performed your eulogy. It didn’t surprise
me. I think that of all of us, he knew you best. But I don’t think he knew
more than me. Though, probably nobody knew that. What surprised me was how beautiful his
speech was. He described everything he knew about you and everything he had
ever been with alongside you. Then, we all took turns at the microphone and
said things about you that we loved and recalled the lovely memories. I never will forget that look upon Your face When it was my turn, I told the crowd how
beautiful you were and how you helped me and our duel at But most importantly, I told them that I
had loved you…and that I still did. And to my surprise, nobody laughed. My
eyes were brimming with tears by the time I stepped off the platform, and I
think that their’s were
too. I wouldn’t look into your coffin. It was
too depressing and heartbreaking. I was already suffering enough. I did pick
you a lovely bouquet of your favorite flowers, though. When your aunt, in tears, came up to me at
the funeral, and handed me a box, I was confused. “Mai was going to give this to you…” She
said softly, before rushing away quickly. And I haven’t opened it yet. I’ve
been waiting for the right moment. I guess now’s a good time… How you turned away and left without a trace But I understand that you did what you had to do And I thank you Oh, Mai…you shouldn’t have. I love it. Where did you get this adorable
plushie of the Happy Lover anyway? Oh! There’s a note.
Oh, my gosh…I think I’m going to start crying
now…but of happiness, this time. Here, I’ll recopy it. Dear Anzu, I know this is odd, but I hope you like
it. I…I made it. Yeah, it’s ugly, don’t blame me. I’m very bad at this sewing
stuff. I would’ve just bought one, but I wanted it to be special, just like
you are to me. That leads to the reason I’m giving you this, Anzu. I wanted to tell you…that I love you. There’s no
denying it any longer, so now you know. I know you won’t return my feelings
(how could you?), but I just wanted you to be aware. Love forever, Mai P.S.~ Look at the
back of the Happy Lover! I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now It’s so cute…and I love how it says Mai
+ Anzu on the back. I’ll treasure it forever.
Well, this letter’s getting really long and I have to go sleep, so I’m going
to end it here. You're the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now I just wanted to let you know, Mai, that wherever
you are, I will always love you. Itsumademo Aishiteru, Mazaki Anzu |